Free Will

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say-and to feel- ‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel it.’ You’re not as alone as you thought.
-John Steinbeck

I have been gone a bit from the blogging world. But I couldn't stay away long. I love this avenue of expression, and have come to think of it as a means by which the above quote to be true. We are no longer a community people as in the past. We no longer gather at the water hole at the dawn to fetch our daily drink. We no longer sit on our front porches catching up with all the neighbors by night. We no longer gather for church with our extended family and friends that we've known since birth. We don't even live in the same town but more than a 7 year average...not nearly long enough to truly be known. And so we have to invent new ways by which our feelings of 'community' might be re-established.

I have had the express privilege of being in a place where i felt as though all community were lost. And really this is a very painful, yet very true to the soul place to be. When all community is lost, and it's just you...I mean really just you...is God there too? What a question to ask? Have you invited him into that space? It can be the only difference between desolate loneliness and hope. I have been back and forth recently, and I can truly say that hope, although harder to hold at times is the best option.

Although no details are needed, it is important for me to be real, and the real truth is that I am human is so is my husband.

What a statement.

I've heard it said that the only difference between someone who proclaims to be a Christian and someone who does not boils down to a single word: Forgiveness. The forgiveness God offers is no light thing. In fact it's very heavy...but once you've received it the burden is so light.

Rob and I have hit a point of crisis. This is real. I no longer believe that there are couples out there that don't have issues. We have had real issues in the past , but we have swept them under the rug, in the hopes that they would go away on there own, now they have a name. The battle has only just begun...but as Rob read to me from the Green Letters, it's good to know that we don't have to fight it. God is fighting for us, He's on our side, and he wants OUR marriage to succeed. If you try to fight it yourself, you are doomed to fail because the enemy is smarter and more cunning than you are. The weapons we need to claim are prayer, study and more prayers. I am doing a terrible job...that's just the truth, but that's where my community of friends have been so helpful in reminding me.

Far from wanting to air my dirty laundry, which I do not believe in. The point of this is simply to be real, to point out that we are not perfect. I hope that Rob and I keep fighting against putting on a perfect face. What a tempting thing that is to do. We are simply imperfect people living in an imperfect world under the loving arms of a Perfect Heavenly Father. Thank goodness for that.

What I'm learning: How much better is love that is chosen in free will, than love that is manipulated.... do you see .....Apply that statement now to God and his choice of free will for people makes more sense all the time.